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Hoodietree


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Depression again
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Sending you love and strength Iris

               

Edited to add: there are some great YouTube videos out there about dealing with narcissists. Above all do not engage. It zaps your energy and its a losing game. Losing that game naturally leads to depression because you are a caring loving kind and sensitive. take good care of your beautiful self 

               

 



-- Edited by Hoodietree on Tuesday 18th of September 2018 11:03:48 AM

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F, 51, GT3, HCV since 1989, no alcohol since 1999, Fibrosis score F0-1 (.36), VL 216,000, ALT 23, AST 26, Epclusa SOT 7/26/18 EOT 10/18/18. Thank you God. 
5-1-18


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oh yea, the hardest thing for me to accept in my life is that fact of those ppl are who they are. i can't tell if they are deliberate or possessed but they sure are a-holes and it affects me.

the serenity prayer and that "they know not what they do" are my favs. becos surely they would not hurt ppl like they do if they were sane... and wether on purpose or possessed they are def insane.

i always ask the universe to keep me sane and safe, and to surround me with safe and sane ppl. and i gather up my stones and put them in my pockets and purse. 

soon we'll have our party...with our safe and sane forum friends



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Gt:1a-36yrs .Started Intron-A in 96' for 2.5mo-VL still too high.taken off. Labs on 3.6.18:. A1 activity.  f3@60: fibrosur bloodtst. AFP=norm. enz=mostly norm.VL=3.9 million.sot=5.1.18>Harvoni>[8wks]: 4WEEKS=UND. Eot 6/25=L.J*13weeks=UND * 6 m =UND: CLUB ZERO.1yr.=0
Observer


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Iris, 

I realize this may sound crazy but when dealing with A-holes it may be a good practice to put on ethereal armour. The most vulnerable spot is the solar plexus chakra ...thats where our self esteem resides...so imagine a strong shield in front of you.

Narcissists wont change, so dont expect them to, they probably dont realize what jerks they are...they are very damaged. Victim hood is a very low vibrating energy and narcissists are very damaged, blameful people methinks.

Sorry you are having to deal with such a lot of foolish folks. 



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61 y/o, Infected via transfusion Oct'83, GT-1a, F-4 cirrhotic,
tx Holkira pak/moderiba 12 weeks

4 years.... successful dragon slayer 
Canuck


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You explain it so well Iris, so clear all the things that are wrong, but harder to fathom is the why - why are others so hard to be with, live with, to understand - sometimes ya just got to marvel at the insanity of others and at the insanity of it all. But my musings help you not, especially feeling the way you do right now. I marvel at my own injured dysfunctional family frequently and it helps me not.  Oh how we wish we could just swoop in and help move ya from harms way Iris, we can only make our virtual love and support suffice. We will always be on your side - and you will always be on your side, so ... that's quite a few of us (very strong people) then! Hopefully this army of us, all on your  side, will overrule and outweigh the baddies. 

Hey! 5 is mighty wise - listen to her. Sage and savvy are her thoughts. With your cure, with your new found health, with your "new you", 5 is right, your mind and emotions will follow. 

I am not at all well-versed in AA or any of those groups or their doctrines or readings, but there is one little piece that has often popped into my mind from time time time as being so real ... that thing where they say or pray .... "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference" ... and again, there is also this one that comes to mind when I am dealing with certain people (not that I am religious, but it holds true) ... "they know not what they do" ...

Hang in there, the depression WILL go, and YOU are one strong smart resilient person, THIS we know! C.



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HCV/HBV 1973. HBV resolved. HCV undiagnosed to 2015. 64 y.o. F. Canada.

GT3a, Fibroscan F3/12 kPa - F4/12.6 kPa, VL log 7.01 (10,182,417), steatosis, high iron load.

SOF/VEL with/without GS-9857 trial - NCT02639338.

SOT March 10 - EOT May 5, 2016 - SOF/VEL/VOX 8 week trial.

 

(SEE UPDATES IN BIO)
5-1-18


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the good news is we care iris

but yea, lack of someone just to talk to is hard. i'm glad your energy is coming back and in time your mind and emotions will follow. 

i had some extra sadness post tx too, and in your case you are still grieving the loss of your best friend. 

hang in there. 5



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Gt:1a-36yrs .Started Intron-A in 96' for 2.5mo-VL still too high.taken off. Labs on 3.6.18:. A1 activity.  f3@60: fibrosur bloodtst. AFP=norm. enz=mostly norm.VL=3.9 million.sot=5.1.18>Harvoni>[8wks]: 4WEEKS=UND. Eot 6/25=L.J*13weeks=UND * 6 m =UND: CLUB ZERO.1yr.=0
Iris Dragonfly


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I don't get it, I was doing so well for several weeks now, getting more energy and feeing a bit better physically as well as mentally. I swear the Hep C made me super depressed all the time. I was so tired and tied of hearing "pull myself by the boot straps". Well my straps broke a looooong time ago, but recently I felt as though I could sew on some new ones. I have been meditating and doing positive affirmations (the affirmations seem the most powerful) trying to eat better, doing some art things, I haven't exercised much but I have been cleaning like a crazy person in the last several days to a week or more now, that should be enough for anyone's work out.

The problem I guess is my family. They bring me down so much. I was adopted and so was my little brother (no blood relation). My brother is a raging narcissist as is my husband (probably why I was drawn to him). I have been in therapy for a very long time to try to come to terms with this. It has been about the hardest thing in my life to accept and I'm not sure I have altogether accepted that the ones I loved and cared so much for and have spent a lifetime trying to help and comfort, couldn't give a **** about me. A little validation would be nice but the fact that will never happen his making me rather bitter and angry. AND if that wasn't enough to F with my mind, after I found Bio mother (in 1987), turns out she and her oldest son are also narcissists and every time I call her, it's all about her so I don't call very often, it's like being abandoned all over again, she only calls me on my birthday to talk about herself.

The other problem is this, both my mother (the one who adopted me) and my daughter are like Switzerland, and nether have my back. I feel like I have no one to go to or trust. My brother says the most vile things to me and threatened my life recently and mom "didn't hear anything" even though she was sitting in the room. We are in a horrible battle with my brothers Ex who is suing my mother (a very long story about a house my mom owns and the ex who was living in it.) In any case I have to drive my mom to the lawyer and help her with many other particulars involving this and my brother is convinced I am trying to sabotage everything. My daughter is the one who is handling transactions involving the house and I am getting abused second had by her every time my brother calls her and complains about me. She thinks I should apologize to him...I am done apologizing to my abusers...when the **** are they going to apologize to me? It has taken a huge amount of effort to make as much space between him and I as I can. I never wanted that, but I also cannot take the crap that comes out of his mouth anymore, and I shouldn't have to. But because this Ex **** is suing my Mom I will have to be dealing with him...and I can't take it. I've been crying for two days now, I feel so trapped.

My cousin who passed in April of this year was my sanctuary dude. But he's gone now and I have been missing him too. Yet I have no one to talk to about it... well other than therapist...but it would be nice to have a family member to grieve with. My mom is like welp.. the funeral is over and that should be the end of your grief.

I thought I would wake up and feel better this morning (mentally) but I don't. On the up side I do feel better physically, maybe one will follow the other. Maybe this should be in rants I dunno. I want to evaporate. No... I think I want to have someone in my life who actually cares about me. 

...Iris

 



-- Edited by Iris Dragonfly on Monday 17th of September 2018 06:32:44 PM

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in the silence of the woods, you will not be alone- Chief Seattle

60 years on planet, Female, diagnosed 1978 as non-a non-b, VL 8mill+, Fibro f-1f-2, Genotype 1a, treatment naïve....UNTIL 7-01-18  !!!! started Harvoni 12 weeks. :)

4 weeks=UND, 8 weeks=UND, 12 weeks=UND (EOT= 09-23-2018)
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