Hep C Discussion Forum

Kirstin · Senior Member

RE: Am I just all emotional?

Greg · Guru

Guys,

Kirstin's right, big mistake us in the same room with several women experiencing mood-swings & riba-rage! Plus Cheery on the loose.

James10500 · Guru

Only if I can wear my Batman pj's Randy.....lol

James

cheery chatter · Veteran Member

Ha ha you guys at an all girls pajama party? You have to bring your own sleeping bag and pillow. That would be fun, us girls would stay up till you guys fall asleep then the fun would begin.

We would draw on your faces with marker that does not come off, then we would paint whatever fingernails and toenails we could get to, then we would squirt shaving cream in your hand and tickle your face with a feather or the dreaded put your hand in a cup of warm water. biggrin

Whoa, I just realized I may have been a mean sister......ha ha ha ha but I do love good clean fun, when I was a kid my brothers and I went to visit the big city, Oklahoma City and one neighbor was really mean to us, imagine that, so one night we called and ordered several different pizza deliveries to her house another night we called several cabs to her house. Boy, now you know I do have a mischevious side. Honestly, I do feel bad about it now but back then we laughed so hard.

xoxoxoxoxo

Kirstin · Senior Member

LOL Randy.. How brave are you for even thinking about it?! Dont know if I'd be so willing to be in the same room with several women experiencing mood-swings & riba-rage! wink

Hep Me · Senior Member

I've never been to a pajama party. What do ya think James, Mano? Guys should be able to attend, don't you think?

Kirstin · Senior Member

Awww you guys are great, truly biggrin

After having slept on it I feel much better about it today. I knew it was coming anyhow, don't know why I allowed it to bother me so much.. It was just a case of flogging the old proverbial horse with her. I also think it upsets her to see me like this because her 19 year old son also has HepC & it frightened her.. Too bad, face reality lady..

Anyhow-

PJ- I am glad you have your little sis, I miss mine. Toxic relationships, well who needs them huh? It doesnt hurt so much today, if I allowed that then I would be a wreck..

Mano- I dont think it harsh at all. There just comes a time when you need to start looking after ourselves. To me, it's like people get an attack of the guilts & think they have to contact us.. By then its just too late, the damage has already been done. I know for me anyhow how I will go out of my way for others, I set myself up for hurt it seems.

Cheery- thats awesome about your mom I have just recently learnt that my mother has pancreatic cancer. She doesnt have to much time left. She is only 65 The negative people in my life, well who needs them?. There is enough sadness around me right now without her rotten friendship upsetting me as well.

James- yep, it is absolutely time to move on. I am glad that she showed her true colors now, its early days yet for me would rather it now then later on.

Wrath- Unhealthy isnt the word.. oh boy.. lol Its her loss, but due to past experiences with her I doubt that she'll see that. Its not something I am going to dwell on. Your right, its positivity all the way!

BeccaJune- I am glad you have a friend like that.. I have, unfortunately, overlooked another friend in favour for Jody. I recieve calls/texts from her at least once a day asking me how I am going etc. If I need any help, if I need rides to the hospital, she comes by just to see me & makes me laugh.. see's me cry.. & all the while she is fighting her own illness. I will put more of an effort into our friendship, she deserves it. I am not going to bother trying to talk to her, she never listens anyhow & it will just make me more frustrated, its not worth my time or energy..

Count me in too with the pajama party! Love the idea of chocolate etc but not the walking part.. I'll just stay here while you all go lol

-- Edited by Kirstin on Monday 13th of June 2011 12:12:08 AM

-- Edited by Kirstin on Monday 13th of June 2011 12:12:59 AM

BeccaJune · Senior Member

Kirstin,

Count me in with the pajama party! You need good friends to laugh with you and cry with you.

Today I went to the movies with my friend Jill. She knows that I may go on tx soon, and at lunch, out of the blue she says "I just want you to know that I want you to call me if you need a ride to the doctor or need anyone come over and be with you while you are going through your treatment." That was so sweet. I have only known her for a year, and she has all this other stuff going on in her life. But I know she will be there for me.

I have another girl friend that will ask questions, but she acts like there is nothing really wrong, and that if I am strong I won't let it get me down. I know she would do anything for me. She would mow my yard or bring me meals, but she doesn't understand my emotional state.

Some people have trouble dealing with our disease. Hopefully you can talk to your friend and get some things straightened out. It sounds like she values her "drinking buddy", but won't accept you for who you are now.

Good luck,

Becca

-- Edited by BeccaJune on Sunday 12th of June 2011 09:02:32 PM

beautiful_wrath · Veteran Member

Hi Kirstin,
I had one thought to add to all of the good advice. You are at a point in your life where you are going through hell to get healthy and the last thing you need is someone UNHEALTHY in your life tearing you down. All things unhealthy need to be put at the end of the list and things that are positive and good for you at the top of your list. Your precious energy needs to be channeled only into things that help you get better, not wasted on things that hold you down. Her actions are what speak fathoms. Hang in there. If I was close, I would come to ya'lls pajama party and eat all of that yummy stuff then have to walk and walk the next day to make up for it.

I wish you peace. ~wrath

James10500 · Guru

Bummer Kirstin. Try not to let it bother you. People just DO NOT UNDERSTAND HCV & the treatment of. Nothing is normal when going through tx, not our bodies, or our minds, or our friends and relationships. imho ...try tp move on to " I could carelss mode". Just say hey google interferon tx it's what I'm dealing with now, catch ya on the other side of tx. Don't let others get to you, it ain't worth it.

Best wishes,

James

cheery chatter · Veteran Member

Kirstin by the way if I lived near you we would have a pajama party, watch funny movies and laugh til we cried and indulge in chocolate, popcorn, pickles and soda. Yes we might have to get up the next day and go for a walk to work off the food but we definitely would have fun........

love ya

cheery chatter · Veteran Member

biggrin My dear sweet Kirstin, This is when the illness of the dragon shows you things you never wanted to see. Forces you to see the reality that the rest of the world may never know or never see. We are blessed in the fact that we will see who truly cares, who truly can handle our illness and be there for us. I can tell you now my own son won't come around because he can't bear to look at me.

If we have always been a caregiver and I am sure you have, it is hard when we need a little kindness and care and noone is there. I took care of my husbands dad and was with him when he died, same thing with his 93 year old great grandmother, I watched her take her last breath. and as for my mom I took off work after she was told she only had 30 days to live from stage 4 lung cancer in 2005, I would not let her give up. I went to every dr. visit, surgery, chemo date and some were 3 times a week and over 100 miles away for me to drive. when her kidneys gave up and they put her on dialysis I was there and it was horrifying to me, I kept telling her they would start working again and don't give up. when her skin bled and she cried I held her, and I never let her know that I thought she was going to die any minute, I told her fight it, you look great, you will heal, and then I would go home and go in the woods and scream at the top of my lungs. well guess what, she is in the top 1% that is still alive with her type of cancer. Her doctor told her she should have died many times and she looked at me and asked me why I didn't tell her that? See, she trusted me, believed in what I told her. Now I tell you this because if you surround yourself with positivie people you will do great things fighting this, if you are around negativity your life will be ten times more miserable. I am thankful for you all because noone else wants to be around me. So hang out with us, then try to be forgiving later, some people just don't get it and can't. By the way my moms kidneys just out of the clear blue started working again and that was over a year ago. THINK POSITIVE. I know I should take my own advice but I don't and that's what I have you all for

Mano · Senior Member

Hey Kristin..

what can i say it all sounds too familiar.. I have completely changed the people I hang surround myself with. And I can say I have lost one of my best mates, a girl, because she has showed for a few times that she wasnt interested.
Another of my very close mates, I am just letting him go, little by little, because he never made an effort to see me all these months, if I want to meet him i have to go and see him, he is always busy with guys, and parties, and weekends. Now a few people surprised me the other way around.. and probably people who have less resources and less time, and travel further out, and made the time to be there for me.
and for respect for myself and for those, from this treatment on, they revealed themseleves to be (what I always knew they were loving, low key, adult people) and I now know they are the ones I want as friends from now on.
I also had a very good mate, we were kind of dating once, I told him in the beginning. He offered me to help me financially back then, because he makes plenty of money. In contrast he then disappeared for 3 months and last week he contacted me over and over and insisted on the phone and i told him to **** off. that i have been through hell last 15 weeks and thanks for the 2 calls in 4 months but no thanks. i mean we were pretty close before this, and now he says hes sorry he hasnt been around, and that he was wrong. i told him you are 45 and a man, you known i am sick for 3 months you dont even have time for a 2min phonecall once a week to check on me? and now youre sorry? im sorry too.. and we both know you dont give a feck so please do not bother to pretend otherwise.

harsh?!

i dont think so.

PJ · Senior Member

Wow, forgive me for saying so, but it doesn't seem like much of a friendship to me, at least when it comes to she being a good friend to you.

This treatment is honestly a gift. I believe strongly it is meant to make us better, but not just physically. My eyes have been opened to several issues involving my family (whom I've not seen since treatment started). Most have not even dropped an email or asked how I am feeling. Not one has sent a card. While painful to face, I also think it's a necessary part of my growth. I am blessed to have the sweetest little sister EVER and also some friends who fill the role as family quite nicely. When my mother was alive, she kept them all "in line" so to speak and would be horrified at their lack of caring. But really, it's their problem, not mine. And, though Mom is gone, there is not a day that I do not feel her with me, helping me along.

Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me :). Just wanted to say that I understand completely and to encourage you to use this as good reason to maybe dump some toxic relationships, even if it hurts. xoxox

Kirstin · Senior Member

Thanks guys

I have to say that I was feeling like it was somehow my fault (I do that alot) but it isnt, I just did what a true friend does.. Oh well, her loss.. I just have to keep the disappointment in check, I know how I am feeling at times & I dont want the 'Riba Rage' coming out for all to see. I have a problem with confrontation, I avoid it as much as possible, will actually take the blame or just say nothing at all just so I dont have to deal with it but just lately I am finding myself being brutally honest about the way I am feeling..

This is what I know.. Randy, you are right about how some people take advantage.. & PJ you are correct as well.. I have had the afternoon to think about my relationship with her. This is how it is (I have known it for some time now but didnt want to admit it)... Growing up, we were always together, until someone new came along & I wouldnt see her for however long & then she'd be back when they had a falling out. I got married, she didnt like my husband & would cause problems etc.. Her children, well, I cant talk about mine & their successes, it upsets her. Her son has stolen from me several times, I believe it was him who broke into my house a few years ago. I sit at the hospital with her when he has his overdoses etc.. I tried to explain that it isnt the end of the world because her older son is gay but she just snaps at me & tells me that I have no right meddling because I have a granddaughter etc.. Everytime we go out, I cant take Rick with me because she absolutely hates him.. I had to tell her to stop posting horrible things about him on my Facebook wall.. & she, in almost 5 years has never ever been inside of my house.. She picks me up, drops me off here but has never come inside.. I cover for her when she has her affairs, she has used my name to have 'naughty' conversations online (I used her laptop a couple of times & her computer stored my passwords) I caught her out because she didnt delete the entire conversation, I didnt say anything though, didnt know how to without upsetting her.. She talks over me constantly & never rings me just to say hi, there is always some drama she is going through for her to do that.. She has forgotten my B/Day for the past 3 years & was upset when instead of coming to her house for xmas I decided to hold one for my own family.. She didnt call me back, not until New Years when she wanted to go drinking, I went, she got drunk, started a fight & I got a fat lip from a beer can that was thrown. Oh God I have gone on.. sorry.. I guess it is something that I am afraid to bring up with her, sorry guys.. Had to get it off my chest!.. I think it best right now to just leave it all alone.. Put things on hold with her & just concentrate on me, perhaps she may realize that she has hurt me & that I deserve a friendship which is mutually beneficial, caring etc Maybe she wont? If thats the case then like I said, her loss

PJ- Thanks for the hugs.. needed them

PJ · Senior Member

Awww, Kirstin, I'm so sorry. And no, I don't think you are being emotional at all. I would feel the same way if it were my friend.

I think sometimes people have a very hard time facing illness and mortality (not that we're dying, but sometimes people assume the worst?) That's kind of what it sounds like since you say she couldn't even look at you.

I too am a giver, and have found myself in that situation, where I put forth all of this effort, and then the person is grateful to everyone but me. It really makes me crazy.

And sometimes people don't like to face their own issues (drinking problems?) and when you are taking steps to change that is forcing her to think about herself.

I don't know....alot of this is just rambling, but those are some of my thoughts. I've had very similar things happen with a particular friend. As a result, my feelings have also changed considerably, and I am DONE giving like that, to her. I will save my efforts for those who truly appreciate them. We are friends, but nothing special.

Again, I am so sorry. Please try not to take it personally, as these are HER issues, not yours. This is a vulnerable time, and hugs were what was needed. I'm sending you some big ones (((((((Kirstin)))))))).

Hep Me · Senior Member

Awww Kirstin, so sorry to hear that. Look, you didn't do anything wrong, I know that dosen't help much with the empty feeling in your heart. Maybe just call her and confront her about it, ask if you did anything to offend her cause your picking up some bad vibes.

Later, Randy

Kirstin · Senior Member

Hey Randy, I understand about the drinking part but even when I used to drink & not be as polite as I normally would I also never forgot to thank someone for all their help. I have watched her today on Facebook thanking people for coming & celebrating with her & how much she loves them etc & I recieve nothing. Including my presents to her I spent approx $330 on her party & nothing... not even a damn hug.. nothing.. Why?? I just dont understand She isnt drunk today, I saw that she just went & bought a new bedroom suite (& btw it's ugly! ). I guess thats why she didnt return the things I lent her or come to see me like she was suppossed to today. I am upset & cranky.. Perhaps she knows that she is never getting her 'drinking buddy' back again? I know that I never want to be that person again. I just thought that after 35 years of being 'best friends' she was different, I suppose I was wrong..

Hep Me · Senior Member

Sorry to hear all that went on Kirstin. Sometimes I have felt a bit emotional (over sensitive) since tx and I think there are times the meds can do this, but maybe there's more to it also. I mean, I'd like to think that if she is a true friend, she would not be treating you this way. I hope it isn't true because you need your friends and family right now. I guess what I would like to point out is that alcohol can do strange things to otherwise stolid friendships. I quit drinking way before tx because I had a problem with it. I can say from experience that it was... well, a sobering experience (pardon the pun) to sit through my first party and watch the others get polluted while I drank soda pop. It was so bad I had to leave the party and go home after two hours - and that wasn't even on tx.

Perhaps the reason she hasn't come over is that she is hung over from last night. Is it possible she wouldn't have acted like this had she been sober? I don't know how much drink was being spilled at the party, I'm basing this on her statement about 'getting her drinking buddy back'. My true friends stayed by me through all the shiit when I stopped drinking and are still my buds today. Some stayed away for awhile but eventually came around. The ones that did not come around.... believe me - it was in my best interest they didn't. I can be around 'social' drinking and it doesn't bother me but to this day I have to leave when people start getting sloppy drunk. But that's just me.

I'd say give her a chance, but I also say give yourself a chance. Our livers have been going through he1l with hvc and now tx. Maybe it's time to sit down and decide if you plan to drink after tx. If not, Let your friends and fam know so they know what to expect. I remember I was so bummed to lose what I thought were a couple of my good friends when I put down the drink. But a little bit of time made me realise that most of the time those very 'friends' were taking advantage of me in one way or another during my party years.

I dearly hope my answer does not sound too harsh, it is not meant to be. It's just that I've been through something like this and wanted to answer you as honestly as I could.

Love and hugs,

Randy

Kirstin · Senior Member

I won't. I sent her a message on Facebook & asked her if she could remove the pic of me. I checked & it was gone but no text, no excuse why she hasnt called.. nothing.. oh well.. **** happens doesnt it?

Greg · Guru

Hi Kirstin,

Send her a bill. How rude is that I wouldn't cater for her again.

-- Edited by Greg on Sunday 12th of June 2011 05:54:03 AM

Kirstin · Senior Member

I have a bestfriend whom I have known since we were 5 years old. I have been through ups & downs with her, always there to lend an ear, a shoulder & do whatever I can to be the best friend I could be..

I am feeling let down by her atm.. Her 40th birthday party was on last night. I truly didnt want to go, for a couple of reasons.. I especially dont want people seeing how I look right now. Anyhow, for the past couple of weeks I have been the one who has helped her organize the party, from calling marquee hire people, writing up & sending invitations etc. I thought by doing so I could eventually let her gently by not attending & she would forgive me.. I even dragged out a ten-seater table & chairs for her to use, did most of the catering but I just recieve a text message about me being late etc. Once I got there, lugging all of this food etc, I got nothing.. not a thank you, nothing, when I left, the same, no thanks... My present, after watching her open others just sat there until I forced her to open it when I was leaving. She didnt speak to me the whole time I was there apart from when she asked me what was in a particular dip I had made (no-one else brought a thing). I could understand if it were a huge party, if she was too busy with other guests but there were approx 15 other people & 6 of them were children. I saw her face when I first walked in, the shock was obvious but I thought thats when true friends showed you that they are there for you.. Support you more..??..It was like she couldnt even look at me, it was weird & very uncomfortable.. I asked her not to post any pics of me on Facebook, that if I wanted people to see me like this I would post pics of me first but there's one posted today.. All of her other pics that she has posted have captions added to them.. Like 'I just love this pic of me &....' etc, the one of her & I says just.. Kirstin & me.. I havent heard from her today (was suppossed to come around this morning). I am upset by this. Its like she doesnt want to know, that it is all too hard to see me sick. When I told her of my good news about being UND all she said was 'yeah!, I have my drinking buddy back'. I dont think she is listening when I explain things to her just what she wants to hear. Like thinking that I am all better now & dont need anymore treatment because I am UND.. I dont know if I am being just to overly-sensitive? but I did recieve another text today by another friend of ours who asked me if I was okay & why Jody was ignoring me etc.. I dont know what to think..? Has anyone else experienced this as well? Should I just cut her some slack & be more understanding or should I just let it go & get on with things?. Right now, I really couldnt care if I talk to her again for a while....

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