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Post Info TOPIC: Bad emotional shape
2willy


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RE: Bad emotional shape
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I am feeling better and thank you for the support and input.   Good news was doctor is letting me stay for the final weeks of treatment.  Good news is that I have not got sever enough kidney damage for dialise.  Good news is that the fear is slowly leaving as I start not only prayer but the work that goes with it.  four and fifth step done and ammends list made.  List is do, not yet, and I home to some day, my wife is on the last list.  Doctor went over history and this Hep C and having it so long has caused a lot of problem related to frustration and anger, diabetis brought on by the hep c, etc.  Meds do not help at all.  Have been told by some that they are glad the old bill is back with deep laugh and compassion, I do not feel that much compassion, but it is more hurt because of some of the legal things that i have had to do to protect our assets.  It has only been a week and so I am finally getting out daily to meetings and support it took 5 times of trying to go out worried what people would think about me etc.  Getting somethings arranged so that all will be taken care of if some medical problem arises.  I can only work on me and I know I am getting better because I have made some of those ammends and have started out as it is about what I have done and I do not want to talk about Anita or what has gone on.  Most and some amends I do not remember even saying some of the hurt full things, I really have to work on not hating these meds.  and vern I can identify with what you said and that is what I have been doing is reviewing all my actions in all my affairs since the last ten years.  It is overpowering but healing I hope.

Again lots of thanks to all of you, Bill, Emma and Raven



__________________

Geno type 1  rib and peg September 2012 , 5 weeks tripple and viral down to < 15 und april Aug 25 finished stay at peg 3 rib and eprex + blood transfussion finished treatment Aug 25 2013
hrsetrdr


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Bill,

I hope that you and your wife can somehow get this sorted out, only the two of you can make that happen. I'm glad to hear that you're committed to finishing treatment, best of luck to you and hoping that prayer will lead you to the solution for your marital situation.

__________________

"hrsetrdr"=Tim

Treatment halted on Aug.8,2012 due to vision problem.  6 month post tx labs

Aug.2013 SVR

Be strong when you are weak, brave when you are scared, and humble when you are victorious.
- Unknown

 

 
edmed


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Hi Bill, sorry to hear your tough times. You're making me think about other times i went through the same kind of emotional turmoil. I used to blame it on Guerilla on my back or the guerilla doing push ups next to me. I've found out the hard way that i needed more help than most people and in saying that i found myself in therapy at 7 years, 14 years and at 22 years of recovery. I wouldn't change a thing because  its made me a better person. we can work through anything that come our way because we are survivors and we have the power on our side. just hang in there bud, I'm praying for you.



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12Step Guy


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Bill, I guess only you and your wife can decide what the problem is. My being on the Rx drugs was hard on those around me. It sometimes magnified my existing shortcomings and defects. I went through a Domestic Abuse program in 1992 when I was 20 years sober and in AA. Like most men, when I was finally hit over the head with divorce papers, I rushed to find a cure (mostly to try and head off the divorce). It took quite awhile for me to recognize that my being emotionally, psychologically and physically abusive wasnt something that I inherited from my family or was about my chemical dependency survival skills.  I got quite a bit from the tools they gave me; how to make and use a self control plan, what Red Flag words were and how I reacted. Eventually I came to realize a couple of things

That hurt people-Hurt people (and especially those around us). I had a pattern of blowing up with self-righteous anger when I felt slighted and often gave myself permission to vent on anyone who I could. Other drivers on the road, cashiers that took to long, waitresses that keep me waiting, but mostly just ordinary people who were just doing their jobs. I dont feel very proud about doing all this, Im grateful that Ive been able to stop most of it. I also had trouble with seeing myself as being abusive because I never hit my spouse. I guess flipping the couch across the room and driving like a mad man and scaring the heck out of her and others didnt count. Like a lot of men, anger and rage made up 90% of my emotional range. Now I try to catch myself when my escalations are at 1 or 2 rather then 8 or 9.

The stuff Im describing is much like stuff that we hear others talking about in AA meetings, and yes the Serenity Prayer sounds good. But for me as an abusive person, I almost have to treat it like a concurrent problem to my Alcoholism and AA program. Even now as Im trying to find my way back from the last 48 weeks, I find myself returning to old patterns. I just told Carol last week that maybe I need to get a permanent marker and write try to be a better person on one hand and try to be nice to others on the other hand. Its time to get my DA articles out and do some reflection.

Vern



__________________

Genotype 1a, IL 28 = CT  Interferon and riba 48 wks in 99, Daily Peg and Riba 18 months in 2007, Started Incivek, Peg, Riba 6/21/12. 4th stage cirrhosis. Last Dart will be May 23 2013.
Karen


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Hi Bill...at first I was lost for words but...it hit me that I would not have gone through treatment had my husband been around.  He would have not provided any support nor would he have understood what this process is like.  

Granted, it has been difficult at times....but I would rather go this alone (and w/the support of all the great people on this forum) than have the added stress of dealing with another that has no clue. 

I wish you all the best...hang in.



__________________

Geno Type A1- VL 16.2m - F1-F2 Moderate Fibrosis - Started treatment 4/16/13 Sofosbuvir/Ledipasvir 6 months -  UND week 4 (5/14/13) - EOT 10/1/13 - 12wk blood draw 12/20/13 UND - 24wk/final blood draw March 2014
Huffy


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Yes, Mallani, I like where you're going with this. Grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference



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24/f. I don't know anything on my condition. Rock Chalk Jayhawk.
Matt Chris


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Sorry to hear about your situation Bill

Sometimes lifes turns gives more challenges and we have to reach down deep within ourselves and find the strength to carry on.

I can feel your pain as I have just went from UND to Detected after 4 weeks after EOT

Nobody said it was easy but after the initial shock we have to try to keep ourselves busy and stop thinking negitive and look for any positive side no matter how small it is.

Hoping only the best for you.

Matt

 



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"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"

61 year old Geno type A1, F4 Cirrhotic, started 24 weeks on Harvoni 12-17-14 ,EOT-5 week = UND, 8-31-15 =UND , SVR-24 Baby YES! 
Zlikster


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;-((( hang in there buddy...i think your wife has to be more understandable about psychological changes that these drugs do and lots of PATIENCE (espec for 48w therapy). I have issues with my gf, she seems really out of touch sometimes how these drugs work and that i am not the same man i used to be psychologically. Lets hope EOT will bring recovery in all aspects.





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GT 3 dg. 08-2012 / FibroScan: 5 kPa F1 / FibroTest: F0-1 A1 / SoC TX: PegInt 120mcg+Riba 1000mg UND from w8 relapse EOT+4w
01-2016 Sof+Dac+Riba UND from w8, SVR24!
Dillo


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8 weeks may seem like an eternity but hang in there buddy.  I have been going through divorce since before treatment and know some of what your going through. Still trudging through it. Give her some space and time. Like Malcom and Bob are saying everything will look differently when treatment is over.

Until then take care of you and let us know if you need anything.

Jerry



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GT 1a Started triple tx with Incivek, Pegasys, and Riba 2-6-2013. UND at 4,6,12,23,& 24 wks EOT 7-26-2013. Probably had Hep C for 20-30 years. Don't really know when I got it.

Biggyb


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So sorry Bill, like Malcolm said you are a trooper. Just one day at a time, have faith and things will eventually work out. ~Bob~



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58 yo..Relapsed in 99 and again in 2004. Started triple therapy with Victrelis July 22,2012.  genotype 1a. week 8,12,16,24 VL Undetectable..E.O.T -- 6-22-2013,,,EOT + 24., UND. 

SVR !!!

 

~Bob~
mallani


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Hi Bill,

Sorry to hear all that buddy. You're having a rough ride and you're a real trooper to carry on. The prize is there and it's worth it. Don't do anything rash, but get to the end of Rx. You'll be a different guy after all this is over, and who knows what lies ahead. Riba really messes with your head. 'Accept the things I cannot change' sounds trite, but is appropriate at the moment. Keep up the fight- we're here for you.

Look after yourself.



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Geno 1b, IL28B CT,  x3 prior relapser,  ex-cirrhotic, 75 yo, did 48 weeks with Victrelis/Peg./Riba.  VL 1.28m at start, UNDET. at 8 ,12 ,16 ,24 ,30  and 48 weeks.  EOT 15 Feb 2013 , UNDET. at EOT + 28 weeks. SVR!  Still Undet. at EOT +5 years

Malcolm
2willy


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Well getting ready for week 40 shots, blood work and results.  the rib sharpness, and brain fog along with an a hole personality resulted in me going out to camp for a few days and coming home to nothing, my wife anita had enough I guess and left.  Had to deal with OPP as she was in a shelter and they confiscated my hunting rifles, I know it is the treatment but I cannot give up and know have to go through a divorce because she will not even talk.  their was no violence only sharp a hole tung.  Home and praying lots to God to take away the pain.  Will try to continue with treatments and look for that light you have seen at the end

Bill and dogs



__________________

Geno type 1  rib and peg September 2012 , 5 weeks tripple and viral down to < 15 und april Aug 25 finished stay at peg 3 rib and eprex + blood transfussion finished treatment Aug 25 2013
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