Hep C Discussion Forum

Hi Liz,

glad you have someone staying to help through all this.

Take care,

Syd

Hi Liz,  so glad things are a looking better.  You are doing great.   You got this!!! Chris

Hi everyone, thank you all so much for your thoughtful and caring responses.  I'm so sorry if I worried you all, that was not my intention.  I also had no intention of quitting, but I had a few bad days there were I was sleep deprived, heartbroken, shocked and also dealing with a fair bit of nausea from the meds and it was just all too much.  Since then I have had a friend come to stay with me for a couple of weeks and he is helping me along, making sure I eat properly and get back on track.  I have heard from a few people since then ... two males in fact ... that they felt a bit emotional on Harvoni from time to time ... moments of tears etc and I definitely agree that hormones play a role in that too.  But it is not something unmanageable ... in fact a good cry now and then can be a release and quite relaxing.  Also,  I have been going through a lot of changes in my life recently, so I'm a bit emotional about that.  New start, hep c free, single, out into the unknown.

Anyway, I've been up, I've been down, and now I'm just feeling kinda normal ... like a girl who has just been dumped (lol) and this too shall pass!

Much love to you all, hope you are all doing well!

Liz x

Liz, Anything can be accomplished one day at a time. Please stay the course, it won't be long before we are all celebrating your EOT and SVR     Right now it's only about you, be selfish. TREAT YOUR SELF TO A CURE. You have such a big heart it's a no wonder it hurts so bad. But know that the heart ache will pass. you will get well and finish the wonderful life you deserve 

RC

Liz,

These friends are right.  Don't quit!  

Treatment is difficult for some.  Emotional upsets are difficult for everybody. While I was on treatment I actually had to force myself not to listen to myself.  My emotions just weren't reliable and I just gave in to the idea of feeling bad for a while.  Then, I got better.  Remember this - you will get better! Don't lessen that chance by quitting. I bet you can remember some time in your history when you were flooded and unsure.  And I bet you remember getting through it.

Now, put you big girl PJs on and give yourself some rest and TIME to get through this. And some ginger brew of some sore will help you, too.

You really can do this.

Hey Liz,

Try making some fresh Gingerale or have some fresh Ginger tea, it works VERY well for soothing nausea, and the other things you describe.

Check out this link and try this - http://hepcfriends.activeboard.com/t60715535/homemade-ginger-ale/?page=1#comment-61697895

I strongly suspect your stomach issues are due to all the emotional turmoil that you've gone through lately.

You've received some great recommendations, use them. Work on finding ways to relax and relieve some of that stress, you'll do just fine.

Make some ginger tea, do some deep, slow breathing, find some positive affirmations that inspire you and concentrate on those. Doing these things will help you find your inner self, it's time to steel your self and move ahead in a positive way. We will be right here, gain strength from us and carry on, you will do fine.

Be Well, Be Strong,

Dave

Hi Liz,   PLEASE DO NOT quit, like Wendy said you are half way there.  The long term benefits of freedom from this virus out way what you are experiencing right now.   It's temporary. Remember that that along with the stress you went thru with your partner your body is going through alot of changes.   Major battle going inside too.  Your liver affects so much of your well being, including hormones, that you will soon enjoy and feel the effects of a healthy liver.  4 more weeks...Stay close to forum and your friends,  and stay busy and active.... YOU CAN DO THIS.

Blessings and Prayers sent your way.    Chris

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling so dreadful. That doesn't make anything easy to deal with. The gastric issues have been mentioned by others and I really think you should ask your doctor for something to relieve that. If the ginger ale recipe provided you some relief, you should continue it on a regular basis. If you're experiencing nausea, you need to consider asking for a stronger anti nausea medication. There's no reason to put up with these side effects when there are some options out there to relieve them. Are you eating right and hydrating, a lot?? Tell us what you're eating and drinking daily. Getting enough rest?

The moodiness and crying, are unusual for Harvoni. If you were on Ribavirin, I would be able to put my finger on the cause. You just went through some difficult emotional issues, is it possible that they are catching up with you at the same time? If you're moody, and not feeling well physically, you're not going to feel good about much of anything. Try and get out and find a change of environment and try to get your mind on something else. I had a hard time when I just sat around the house while on treatment. Force yourself to get out and have some fun! If you don't want to leave the house, sit down and enjoy a comedy marathon on TV. Find something to laugh about, buy a double decker banana split and eat it all, blame me for the ice cream bloat! But you'll have a good laugh and great ice cream treat, lol!

Whatever you do, don't quit treatment! If you stop now, you may feel better temporarily, but it will be short lived and you won't be terribly happy with the decision at some point in the near future. It will be difficult to be approved again for treatment by your insurance carrier if you quit without just reason. These issues will pass and you'll feel better in a few days. Just hang in there and give it a few days. These side effects do let up. Try hard! We're always around. If you feel like talking, we're here for you...

nightowl wrote:

---

Hey guys, thanks so much for your caring responses. 

I'm so sorry to have dumped that all on you the other day, I had just hit the wall and was feeling it all and it needed to come out. I'm a private person so I haven't really discussed what has been happening with friends.  I really do appreciate your support. I must point out Pablito that whilst I have a degree in psychology, I'm not a clinical psychologist as such ... I am in research psych ... but yes, I did study the personality disorders all those years ago at uni ... but here's the thing ... even though I had studied the symptom profile of NPD, I still didn't see it creeping up on me until I was emotionally involved.  By then it becomes hard to see someone you are involved with objectively no matter how obvious it may be to others (my friends really didn't take to  him at all). It was all there, the aggression, the mood swings, the lying, the constant blaming of others, the need for constant praise, the complete lack of empathy, the inability to say sorry.  Fortunately, the psychologist we had been seeing together could see what was happening and was able to steer me in the right direction. 

Lisa I can see why you would think that I would take him back because past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, but to be honest this was the tipping point for me.  I've spent the last few days looking back over the relationship and recalling so many moments where he completely lacked appropriate empathy and I am shocked that I accepted it (like for example the night I found a lump in my breast and he patted me on the head and said "you'll be fine, we'll talk about it in the morning" and then actually rolled over and went to sleep. And then the next day when I told him his response hurt me and he told me it didn't happen and that I was imagining the conversation or must have dreamt it (something  I now realize was gaslighting).  You become like a lobster, unaware you are actually cooking as the water slowly reaches boiling point.  So yes Jimmy, relationships like this can leave you questioning and blaming yourself ... and yes Wendy, you can get so caught up in trying to understand their bizarre behaviour that you allow yourself to accept the unacceptable. I really did stop looking after myself ...

But this time I feel different, something inside me has changed, I feel like I can finally walk away for good this time.  I believe the treatment has given me hope for the future ... it's making me more hopeful and braver somehow. 

Thank you all so much for caring, I'm so greatful.

Anyway I won't bore you all with this topic anymore I promise ... back to business ... I have a practical question if I may ... when things were very stressful a few days ago, I took my tablet 50 minutes late.  I am usually always on time.  Do you think this would have harmed my treatment at all?

Liz x

---

 Hi Liz, 

I think as it was under an hour you'll be fine. I've heard of some people that skipped a whole day and went on to cure - highly not recommended, but it can happen.

I'm glad you've found some resolve in your life, if you have a weak moment when you're face to face, try to re-visit your previous state of mind and remember your thoughts. Empathy can block logic, which is why some people seem to go in circles, they believe they can help, change or make a difference. Sadly in the case of NPD it requires extensive therapy for a person to change their ways and a willingness to see their behaviour as destructive, this can require life long therapy and is not considered very effective.

Like TIg said, it is a nonjudgmental environment where you remain anonymous. Feel free to use us as your thought outlet and you can feel secure in knowing there is no one to tell. I know that there is an element of embarrassment in any situation where friends are fast to say "I told you so!" It really isn't important, all that matters is how you feel currently, and what YOU chose to do about it. Either way, whatever you decide, your health is important and it is a huge life changing thing.

Keep going, a hep c free life is an exciting one! x

Thanks so much for replying so quickly Tig ... I was really worried about that *goesandsitsincornerquietly*

Hey guys, thanks so much for your caring responses. 

I'm so sorry to have dumped that all on you the other day, I had just hit the wall and was feeling it all and it needed to come out. I'm a private person so I haven't really discussed what has been happening with friends.  I really do appreciate your support. I must point out Pablito that whilst I have a degree in psychology, I'm not a clinical psychologist as such ... I am in research psych ... but yes, I did study the personality disorders all those years ago at uni ... but here's the thing ... even though I had studied the symptom profile of NPD, I still didn't see it creeping up on me until I was emotionally involved.  By then it becomes hard to see someone you are involved with objectively no matter how obvious it may be to others (my friends really didn't take to  him at all). It was all there, the aggression, the mood swings, the lying, the constant blaming of others, the need for constant praise, the complete lack of empathy, the inability to say sorry.  Fortunately, the psychologist we had been seeing together could see what was happening and was able to steer me in the right direction. 

Lisa I can see why you would think that I would take him back because past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour, but to be honest this was the tipping point for me.  I've spent the last few days looking back over the relationship and recalling so many moments where he completely lacked appropriate empathy and I am shocked that I accepted it (like for example the night I found a lump in my breast and he patted me on the head and said "you'll be fine, we'll talk about it in the morning" and then actually rolled over and went to sleep. And then the next day when I told him his response hurt me and he told me it didn't happen and that I was imagining the conversation or must have dreamt it (something  I now realize was gaslighting).  You become like a lobster, unaware you are actually cooking as the water slowly reaches boiling point.  So yes Jimmy, relationships like this can leave you questioning and blaming yourself ... and yes Wendy, you can get so caught up in trying to understand their bizarre behaviour that you allow yourself to accept the unacceptable. I really did stop looking after myself ...

But this time I feel different, something inside me has changed, I feel like I can finally walk away for good this time.  I believe the treatment has given me hope for the future ... it's making me more hopeful and braver somehow. 

Thank you all so much for caring, I'm so greatful.

Anyway I won't bore you all with this topic anymore I promise ... back to business ... I have a practical question if I may ... when things were very stressful a few days ago, I took my tablet 50 minutes late.  I am usually always on time.  Do you think this would have harmed my treatment at all?

Liz x

I think Syd put it much better than I did.  Grief is grief regardless of the health of the relationship, or indeed the psychological-mindedness of the person suffering it.  I can be a bit blunt/tactless at times....for that I apologise and I am working on it!

Hi Liz

I'm so glad to hear your treatment is going well.  It really is the most important thing at the mo.

I had a friend with NPD. (Note: I said "had").  She had the most amazing capacity to turn any conversation into a monologue about herself.  I used to find myself deliberately using techniques to steer the conversation away from her, but they never worked.  Best to steer clear of folk like that and try and work on ourselves and why we are drawn to them...but you're a psychologist so you know the drill.

Keep on with the meds and the water and in a few weeks you'll be getting the best news ever.

Pablo

Greetings Liz,

"We went to couples counseling last year where a psychologist finally diagnosed him with narcissistic personality disorder."

OK good and stop right there and reflect. This is something for you to hang on to. Often folks may start to second guess themselves and wonder "is in me?" "Should I have done this instead?" "Maybe if I only..."

Nope, the guy is stuck on self and has no room for anyone else.

Send the guy a mirror and he will then always have his true love.

Hang in there Sister. You are doing great!

JimmyK

Hi Nightowl,

Sorry to hear of partner problems, those things are difficult at the best of times, let alone when on Tx.

Sounds like a loser walking out twice when you really needed him, I think you are probably better off without him anyway.

If you love someone you are there through thick and thin, plain and simple.

I've known people like the one you describe, I call them energy vortexes, it's all about them and everywhere they go they just suck energy from others. They suck, LOL!

Sounds like you are coping with Tx, keep up on the water intake, keep eating well, you'll be done before ya know it.

Enjoy some quiet time or seek those friends or family that are there when you need them or just use us in that capacity, we'll be here.

Try to see the positive side of all this, rid yourself of the virus and rid yourself of other things in life that are bringing you down. Use this time as a cleansing, use this as a time to purge the negative and breathe in the positive. Don't know if you're into it but some form of meditation or yoga or other using deep, controlled breathing can help set this out with the old and in with the new attitude.

It's all good, you are here with others that know exactly what you are going through, you've got this ... doin' good.

Dave

Ya, how's that expensive "Cheese"?  LOL

Hope all is going extremely well,

Dave

Hi Liz,

Please don`t be alarmed by it. As fast as you started feeling not great your will find you will feel fine again. These side effects are transient so just know that tomorrow will be better. As Wendy said, not all days will be sunshine and roses, but honestly I think you might find that most are. I kept a journal, a small one but wanted to keep track of good days and not so good ones. It was not all that detailed but did track how much I drank, what I did on that day and how I slept the night before. Others have done the same.

I do believe most of your days will be good so try not to be anxious about one or two that are not.

Keep us posted.

SF

Hi guys, just checking in.  Okay ... well it looks like my "Harvoni High" has passed ... lol ... which is a bit of a shame ... but I'm doing ok.  Whilst the "brightness" has been turned down a little, I can still feel that I have more energy now than I did pre-treatment.  However, aches and pains and headaches have appeared (lower back aches), along with a bit of crankiness (lol)!   And yes, I'm keeping hydrated! ;)  Two nights ago I was dancing around the loungeroom to old Duran Duran film-clips like an idiot with SO MUCH ENERGY ... the next morning I was in bed crying for no reason and aching like a 90 year old (yes it really does feel like a battle going on in there sometimes Singsong).  So, it's been a bit up and down emotionally, but overall it's nothing I can't handle!  Hope you are all smiling and doing well too.

Get that orange juice and those Oreos ready (we have them in Aus now, but I still haven't had one yet)! ;)

Hi Liz,

so happy for you that you have passed that first week jitters stage and now begin to reap the rewards of your bravery. 

Hoping the rest of treatment will be as cruisie for you as it seems to be for others on the Harvoni train. 

I bet your viral load has catapulted down and that the reason you feel so much better is that your liver is getting a chance to breathe and regenerate.

 Syd 

Hi Liz

You are responding exactly as per the norm: a few days of minor side effects, then none, and then starting to feel better as your VL goes down.

Pablo

Hi liz,

It made my day to hear you are in control. I'd offer a glass of champagne but neither of us can drink, so a glass of orange juice it is.

Well done and keep going, any shaky moments, you know where we are....

Have a lovely day. :D x

Hi Liz, And a very good morning to you. It's 8 AM in the beautiful Pacific Nrthwest. The day looks promising-- suns out shining--today I'm in the drivers seat--I can take this beautiful day anywhere I want to go!! In order to do this, first thing I will do is check the gas-high test fuel for me today. Checking the oil-right on the full mark! Yep you guessed it I'm going around and kicking all the tires,check check and double check.Im heading out with confidence knowing I have done everything in my power to make sure I get where I want to go. What good is a shiny Red Sports car if you can't find the keys  to start it?

 After many many years of living with the disease, you have come to the fork in the road, continue down this old HCV riddled pot hole covered one lane road- which is guaranteed to beat the heck out of your Little Red Sports Car, or you can choose to take a different avenue and put fear of the unknown in the trunk with the junk and take hold of the steering wheel and start your new adventure. Your in the drivers seat now Liz.   

Cold Turkey---You started treatment cold turkey!!  You thought about if for months, you knew treatment was the right choic. You may have thought "I just want to feel normal ". What would I feel like HCV free?  Fear and complacency can keep us content with things just as they are, but in the long run they are our demise. You are a true WARRIOR. You are so STRONG. Your Conviction is deep,and your Determination is unstoppable. That vacuum left behind when you kicked fear to the curb has been replaced with JOY. Congratulations!!  RC

Hi Liz,

With regard to;

"It is so weird but I feel like a better, leaner, cleaner, sharper, faster, brighter, less exhausted, more energetic, calmer version of me. How about that, I actually feel CALMER and LESS ANXIOUS on Harvoni!  Already!  And I have actually laughed naturally quite a few times ... just because I was happy (singsong ... random waves of euphoria perhaps)? I'm not sure I've actually felt 'happy for no reason' for a very long time.   Is this really possible?"

I must be honest and say I cannot agree with you on this. In particular; "'happy for no reason'".

Girl you have EVERY reason in the World to be happy! When you reflect on what is happening, you will realize the calmer and less anxious feeling is a testimony to why one should and CAN put those feelings in place. It is the fear of the unknown that brings those feelings about and very often are proven fruitless.

There are other areas where you let anxiety take over and now you can see that YOU are in control. Harvoni is not making you less anxious. It is not making you calmer. YOU are doing that all by yourself now that you see there was nothing to fear.

Use that in your everyday walk and never let fear take hold. There are very few cases where fear is a good thing but learning how to control it leads to the ability to properly think through it.

I am so very proud of you and you will now be one of the most helpful people we have among us to assist with new folks that come in and feel a bit on edge. 

God Bless you sister!

JimmyK

Dear JimmyK, wendyo, Tig56, Pablito, Linuxter, K8, Canuck, Shadowfax, robertsamx, fourlocos, wmlj1960, LoopyLisa, Sydhanrahan gojuman, Tom and singsong ... WOW ... I can't believe how fortunate I am to have found all of you.  I am completely overwhelmed by your incredibly lovely, kind and caring messages.  WOW!!! Each and every one of you has been so caring and thoughtful in taking the time to send your detailed responses.  Mike Gojuman, fourlocos and LoopyLisa, thanks for sharing your stories about anxiety ... I could tell that you really understood how I was feeling and knowing you guys had started treatment despite those fears really helped!   I have been staying with a friend for moral support, so I have not had access to my home computer.  I was able to read your messages but for some reason I could not respond from the browser on my friends computer ... and even when I got home I had problems last night with Chrome ... but Explorer seems to work ... phew!  I kept telling my friend "oh no, all these lovely people will think I am completely ignoring their messages!"  Please know that this was not the case, and that I read each message and each messaged helped me ... not just to take that first pill ... but to keep going ... and now it is DAY SIX!   WOW!!!

This website is absolutely invaluable for people like me ... so I would like to continue to pay that goodwill forward and write the following for the next completely terrified person looking for support to take that first tablet:

HARVONI REALLY TRULY IS A PIECE OF CAKE ... IF I CAN DO IT, YOU CAN TOO!

Having said that, the first couple of days were a bit difficult, but not unmanageable.  I had those weird stomach pains for two days, dull headaches despite 3-4 litres of water a day and lots and lots of wind (no brussel sprouts or cabbage for me Tig56)!   Also, I take my tablet at 2pm and around 6-7pm I was just crashing and would end up napping on the couch. 

However, it is now day six and I have NONE of those side-effects!  I do feel different, but it is not a bad feeling ... it is better than normal.  It is so weird but I feel like a better, leaner, cleaner, sharper, faster, brighter, less exhausted, more energetic, calmer version of me. How about that, I actually feel CALMER and LESS ANXIOUS on Harvoni!  Already!  And I have actually laughed naturally quite a few times ... just because I was happy (singsong ... random waves of euphoria perhaps)? I'm not sure I've actually felt 'happy for no reason' for a very long time.   Is this really possible?  Perhaps it is because I feel hopeful about the future for the first time in decades ... but perhaps it is the meds, perhaps it's also me just getting back to who I used to be? Who knows?

It's a bit up and down though ... I am strangely aware that there is a battle going on inside, I can feel it ... and I do seem to suddenly have moments where I suddenly feel exhausted and a little bit queasy and headachey, and I have to say "okay, I've done too much, time for a rest".  I also got really strangely cranky over the weekend and blew up at someone for being insensitive ... but it was a clean strong angry, not an anger followed by tears, exhaustion and depression ... it was more like "I have the physical and mental energy now to bother standing up for myself and I'm not going collapse crying immediately afterward feeling anxious".  Strange ...

But really guys, if things stay the way they have been, I can actually do this!  And YOU guys got me over the starting-line!

Thankyou just doesn't seem enough!